


SELFISH

by mobheroacademia



Category: Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Angst, Drug Use, Gen, Hurt No Comfort, M/M, Not Beta Read, Recreational Drug Use, Sapnap and Dream are roommates, Self-Destruction, Self-Esteem Issues, can be read as platonic or romantic, intended as platonic though
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-25
Updated: 2021-02-25
Packaged: 2021-03-15 10:47:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 945
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29682792
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mobheroacademia/pseuds/mobheroacademia
Summary: Sapnap is selfish. All he does is hurt others, even when he's only trying to protect them.Protect them from the monster he truly is.-----AKA: The fic where Sapnap is very self-destructive and gets in a fight with Dream while he's high.
Relationships: Clay | Dream & Sapnap (Video Blogging RPF), Clay | Dream/Sapnap (Video Blogging RPF)
Comments: 2
Kudos: 45





	SELFISH

**Author's Note:**

> i didn't beta this at all it's literally just a vent fic lmao

Sapnap laid on his bed, one arm tucked behind his head and the other dangling off the edge of the bed, holding a blunt. He’d taken off his hat and put it over his eyes, blocking out the world. The blinds were drawn and all the lights were off, but light still managed to seep into the small room.

Smoke had clouded the room. Sapnap just took another hit. He was in his own little world, his music blasting in his headphones and filling his head with static. A dull ache thudded in his chest as he dissociated even farther than he already was. He didn’t even feel real; it was like the whole world was just fabricated and he was the only real being alive.

Sapnap subconsciously registered someone entering the room, heard a muffled cough due to the hotboxed room, but refused to acknowledge it. He simply took another drag from his blunt.

He heard someone speaking, but couldn’t decipher the muffled words over the music blasting in his earbuds. After a moment without responding, one of the earbuds was pulled from his ear.

“What,” Sapnap sighed, breathing out the smoke and pushing off his hat to make eye contact with the intruder--his roommate Dream.

“I should be asking you that. What the fuck are you doing?” Dream sighed, his hands on his hips like a concerned parent.

Sapnap looked away, choosing to instead focus on the blunt in his hand. Faintly, Sapnap registered the feeling of guilt swelling in his chest. He knew Dream was disappointed to see him like this. He wasn’t himself when he was like this--self-destructive and uncaring.

“Sapnap, you can’t keep doing this,” Dream looked down at Sapnap, a deep sorrow and concern showing through his gaze.

They sat in silence for a few beats. Sapnap debated whether he should say his stream of thoughts aloud. It would just upset Dream more. Then again, who fucking cared?

“Nothing fucking matters, dude,” Sapnap mumbled coldly, staring at the wall next to his bed.

“You’re high,” Dream deadpanned in response, taking a seat on the bed.

“But it’s true,” Sapnap began, “Everything we care about,  _ everything  _ we value is fucking pointless!”

“Sapnap,” Dream reached a hand out to comfort the boy, but Sapnap pushed him away.

“Stop! You know it and I know it and everyone else knows it but we never fucking talk about how pointless everything is! Who cares about school or-or work or YouTube or anything! Why do we put so much emphasis on stupid things like reality and physicality and our looks and how much money we have if all we are is just a consciousness with a physical being to command??” Sapnap rambled, starting to get worked up.

“You’re making no fucking sense! Nothing matters? Everything is pointless? You and I both know that’s not true! This is why I told you to stop this crap!” Dream snatched the blunt from Sapnap’s hand.

Sapnap was fuming at this point, clenching his fists. “You’re so fucking annoying, Dream. You-you’re fucking terrible.”   
  


“I care about you, Sapnap,” Dream said with certainty and determination, “This isn’t healthy.”

“Stop it then! Stop fucking caring! God knows it doesn’t help you or me! I don’t want you caring about me! I can take care of myself!” Sapnap yelled, making Dream flinch back, “You get yourself all worked up over me and my health--you realize I’d never do the same for you, right?!”

The silence that filled the room was deafening.

Sapnap glared at Dream, who looked back at him confused and worried.

“I don’t know you anymore,” Dream’s voice was quiet, hesitant. Shaky.

“You never fucking knew me,” Sapnap spat back, “This is me. A fucking selfish asshole who doesn’t give a shit about you.”

Dream’s eyes were brimming with tears now as he tried to form a response, but Sapnap wouldn’t let him get a word in. “The only reason I’m your fucking friend is for my own gain, you know that, right? You know! Obviously I don’t give a shit about you, I knew smoking would upset you and I did it anyways! Why don’t you just leave?  _ Fucking leave, Dream!”  _ Sapnap yelled, shaking with fury at himself and the other boy.

Dream stared at Sapnap, trembling and teary. He muttered a pitiful “Fuck you, Sapnap,” before exiting the room.

Sapnap took a breath after Dream had left, running a hand through his hair. He was a terrible fucking person. He was the worst. How could he yell at his friend like that? Why did he always try to make people see him as the bad guy?

None of that was true, not really. Not to Sapnap, at least. He knew it was what Dream was thinking, though. Those worst-case thoughts that invaded everyone’s mind. Sapnap felt a strange urge to confirm them, to make himself the villain in everyone’s eyes.

He was undeserving of people’s concern, so he pushed them away and told them he didn’t care about them.

And he just did it in the most extreme and destructive way possible, telling his best friend who he loved more than anyone in the world that he was only friends with him for personal gain and that he didn’t care about him.

Why did he always do this? Why couldn’t he just deal with his emotions normally? Why couldn’t he explain that he felt like everyone hated him and it became a self-fulfilling prophecy?

Why did he always hurt everyone, even when he tried so hard to preserve their feelings?

And with the knowledge that no matter what he wouldn’t ever change, Sapnap cried.


End file.
